Psychoblog

i was a goddess, all flowing hair and dress, that came alive from a painting hung in a big stone castle. i stepped out into a huge hall with stone cloisters around the perimeter and filled with big wooden tables and benches. there were a couple of men in the hall, one of them obviously in authority, all dressed in medieval type wear with funny tashes and about shoulder length hair. they backed me into a corner, obviously not up on the whole person stepping out of a picture scenario. the one in authority stepped forward and got a small knife from his belt. no one said anything and he started cutting me very slowly across my arms. i could feel my flesh splitting open and i saw the blood seeping out. i couldn’t get away from him and i didn’t speak, he just carried on making criss-cross cuts all over my arms.

i was in a car with carl and some other person driving up the a38 at home. we were taking the other person to bournville to drop them off and i was being irritated by carl driving through some roadworks. all the way through the journey i was running my fingers over the long thin scars i had on my arms. we got to bournville, walked up some metal steps and across a foot bridge. on the other side of the bridge the land was just salt flats that shimmered like it was a huge lake (a la death valley, america). we said goodbye to other person and began walking back over the bridge. two teenage boys stopped us about half way across and asked us if we could give them some money please. i giggled at them and said no and one of the boys showed me a knife he had hidden and plunged it into my stomach. i doubled over and collapsed onto the floor. everything faded out. i woke up.

no i didn’t watch scream 1, 2 or 3 last night.

i have done poo all today, which makes me feel really bad. i have been working quite hard over the past couple of weeks and everything is going to plan, so it’s not too bad me having a lazy day. still feel guilty though. will do better tomorrow. promise.

it’s nice spending the day at home with kitties. i love our cats. they are little black fluffy blobs with their own very different personalities. we have two of them, sooty and sweep (full names sootybum and sweepypie), they are brothers that we got from cat protection place up t’road. they had been abandoned as kittens and left in an empty house. don’t know how anyone can do that. we have had them since christmas and they seem very happy here.

carl will be home soon too, yey, so i can have some huggles. today is our 4 year and 5 month anniversary. that’s a very long time. he’s my most significant boyfriend ever.

just heard that our manager graham taylor (our = aston villa’s) has resigned. not surprised because we have done poo this year. birmingham city finished above us, which is /so/ not the way things should be. this is one of the times i’m glad i don’t live in brum anymore. the humiliation would be hard to take there. my dad said right at the start of the season that graham taylor is a good 1st division manager and not much else. luckily we clung onto premiership status and maybe now we will get a magical person who will make us the best team ever. hmm…

i have just come back from doing a guest appearance at the nottingham speech and language therapist meeting to plead for their help. they seemed really interested in my project and keen to help me find patients to scan. all very positive and hopefully soon i will be doing real groundbreaking stuff.

slt’s are a really nice group of people. the difference between therapists and doctors seem to be that therapists see their patients as people. every wednesday in the division i am based at the drug research team (all medical people) have a meeting in my office around the table behind me. they talk about all the people admitted to the hospital that week who have had a stroke; who has died from it, who is likely to die from it and who they can get into one of their drug trials. the degree of emotional detachment they have from the patients sometimes shocks me. i guess they need to be like this to be able to do their job. just takes a bit of getting used to. i’m glad i don’t need to be like that.

got to make a poster now to convince people with aphasia that it would be a great idea to come have their brain scanned for the greater good. it /is/ a great idea though so hopefully some people will come forward.