Psychoblog

last night i drove on my own for the first time in my life. it was only round the corner to t’chippy (gives you a hint of how my diet is going at the moment), but still it was a big step. i think carl was nervous about it. got that impression when i got back and he greeted me with a “yey, you’re back!”, more enthusiastically than normal. it was weird though. i thought “woo, i can do whatever i want now”, but then thought doing doughnuts across the estate was a bad idea and just drove normally anyway.

the whole aim of me driving again was so i could go to asda on my own and do the shopping. not very exciting really, but being able to do the shopping without worrying that carl might kill someone in a bout of trolley rage at any second is incentive enough for me. i think i might do my first solo shopping trip tonight. bit nervous about parking though, since i am poo at it (bet that’s a real surprise for all the men).

work is all busy again now. so far i have 12 people interested in volunteering for me, which is great since i was aiming for 10 people over the next year. got the grilling of my life this morning about my project. wasn’t from the scary physics people or the psychologists or anyone like that, it was from a group of people with aphasia. they have given me more to think about than any academic has in the last 2 years. feel a bit drained now though. good to be made to see things from a different perspective though.

carl is coming to pick me up now though, so i can go home and sleep. nice things.

salad bowl
banana muller lite
diet coke

that is the dinner i have just eaten. impressive i thought, and after discarding the icky cold pasta in the salad i actually feel satisfied. never thought that would happen. though it did make me wonder what the purpose of cress is, other than for small children to grow at school. it’s all leafy and stringy and it kind of fills your mouth, but swallow and there is nothing there. anyway, must keep this up. my will is strong at the moment.

oh dear, this blog could easily turn into a tragic bridget jones affair.

nothing is happening here. all work stuff has ground to a halt because so far i have had poo all response to my pleas for some patients to scan. and since (i know you shouldn’t start a sentence with and) all work up until now has been preparing for this patient study i’m a bit stuck for what else productive i could be doing. there are a couple of things i suppose, but they seem so wishy washy that it’s hard to really focus on them or get up the motivation to actually do them. i have made some pretty leaflets that i’m planting in speech therapists waiting rooms so hopefully that will come to something. i think the therapists are starting to feel sorry for me now, which can only be a good thing.

decided i absolutely have to start getting slimmer now. yesyes, i know it’s such a surprise to be reading this in a girl’s blog, but there comes a time when it’s not just being obsessional any more and the problem is real. so i’m really not fishing for any compliments or anything. for me it is coming up to summer again now and i have realised that i don’t have any fat summer clothes. they are all little strappy tops and stuff (actually that’s about it anyway) and i don’t quite fit into them as well as i used to. i don’t have the money to buy any fat summer clothes so the only practical thing to do is try and fit back into the slim summer clothes again. see, not going all weirdy about it. not having any of the eating disorders of the past. just being practical.

the other day (could have been yesterday, who knows) a friend announced on irc that he was reading this blog. i felt really embarrassed in an “oh my god” kind of way. not sure why, it’s not like i open myself up bare on here or anything. not revealing any dirty little secrets or anything i wouldn’t share with a passing stranger. i think it prolly has something to do with the fact that in the back of my mind i don’t really like the idea of having a public blog. it somehow seems a bit self-indulgent or a bit self-important. i do like writing this blog though, but then a bit of catharsis never hurt anyone (unless you channel things through aggression).

nearly the weekend though, wooo.